Stop Following Your Ex on Facebook! It’s Time To Move On

Facebook is perhaps the greatest social connection tool to ever strike multiple generations of people… and perhaps one of the worst temptations to follow and stalk people for those of us who are otherwise fairly normal.

Facebook plays an interesting role in the course of a romantic relationship. You meet. You may share some commonalities in your friend lists – or you probably will if you date for very long.  Your friends are so excited when your little status changes to, “In a relationship” and they all hit the Like Button.

And then, the downfall. You change your status back to, “Single” and you are crushed, angry, embarrassed, angry, sad, angry… all of that anger leads to you doing some private investigating on what your ex is up to, when did they change their own status, can you see what common friends are saying, are you blocked from the ex and from anyone else?  Heaven forbid, does your ex already have a new relationship status up?

You start checking for things all the time. It can consume you. There you are, late at night, trolling for secrets. Then you start checking things during the day, at work, from your phone at lunch. You might be driven to ask mutual friends to report back to you on what is going on.

Four letter words might have been flying around during the breakup and the Facebook stalking. Now I have one for you. Stop.

Really.  What is the best thing you can hope for? That you find out a dirty little secret and feel justified in all the snooping, stalking, and crazy obsessive behavior? Or that you find out your ex is lonely and miserable too?

You broke up and it is over, so let it be over (another four letter word by the way) and just move on. 

Ways To Move On… Without Stalking your Ex on Facebook

·      Start a little “Moving On” journal, not online so there is no danger of being hacked, and destroy the pages as part of the healing.

In it:

o   Write a funny status update about your ex, like how awful it was they split their pants at work today and weren’t wearing clean undies.

o   Write down the most hurtful things about the relationship, how and why it ended.

o   Write down the most positive things about the relationship, what it brought you (if anything) and any lessons you learned.

o   Write a status update of how you’ve moved on and all the fabulous things you are up to in life (make it your dream list) and imagine your ex reading about it.

o   Then write a goodbye to the relationship, telling it you have to move on.

o   REMEMBER: this is all for healing, not designed to get out or be read.

·      Let your friends know you aren’t interested in wallowing in the dirt or gossip surrounding your ex. You can show this by not being interested in the gossip if it is brought up, never instigating it, and even telling your friends, “Hey, I’m moving on now.”

·      Do NOT look up your ex, ever. Facebook should be about friends, not problems. Don’t look up anyone you think might be dating your ex, either. You shouldn’t want the ex doing that to you. It is just not good for your mental or physical health.

·      If you have to, drop people from your friend list and make a clean break. If you keep mutual friends (you might have been friends before the relationship started) then take the high road at all times. People will get the message and probably admire you for it. If not? You don’t need them.

·      Do something new. Take a class, buy a new outfit, get a haircut. Focus on new things, not old.

·      Work out. You’ll burn energy in a positive way, keep your fitness or improve it if you haven’t been working out, and you’ll be happier than sitting around stalking updates or trying to find pictures of your ex doing things.

·      Eat right. It might be tempting to sit with a box of donuts in front of the computer stalking… but think about how you’d look if the video camera was broadcasting that scene. Forget about Facebook while you grill some chicken and make homemade soup and salad to go with it.

·      Really let it go. The breakup, the stalking on Facebook, the drama. You have to find inner calm, make peace with the end of a relationship.

If you have to, stay off of Facebook for a while.  Your friends will understand. Or only go on for a few minutes to look through your newsfeed and post one update about your own day, but don’t get on when you have lots of time on your hands… you know where it might lead.

They say living well is the best revenge. Rather than stalking your ex on Facebook, focus your efforts and energy on living well – eat right, exercise, make some goals, meditate, anything that helps you feel whole and positive - and hold your head high as you march away from the past, leaving it in the past, where it all belongs.

Because the beautiful thing about endings… it means a beginning is just around the next corner.  But not if you are around the bend stalking your ex on Facebook!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: How To Get Over a Breakup

Let’s face it – knowing how to get over a breakup can be difficult. Most of have or will go through this, even though it isn’t something any of us would choose.

Breaking up with someone can actually cover a fairly wide range of situations, although it is usually a romantic relationship that ends.  But it can also be a platonic friendship or even a business relationship, though different terms usually apply.

But be aware you may still go through a few of the same emotions and a few of the same reactions, so knowing how to get over a breakup can offer you some valuable pointers to use in your life anytime a relationship lets you down.

10 Tips To Get Over a Breakup

1.     Grieve – but set limits. It is ok to feel awful and horrible, and you need to face those feelings, so give yourself permission to cry, scream, or mope.  But only for a short time. Every day, you should give yourself less and less time to think about “The Breakup” and more and more time applying other tips here to get over a breakup in a healthy way.

2.     Time. How long will depend on many variables, including your personality. There is no set answer but your goal should be to move further away from the negative and closer to complete healing each day.

3.     Friends. Reach out to your friends for support in the beginning. Don’t isolate yourself with your feelings. Let them know you are hurting and may not be your usual self for a while, but that you need them. Also let them know in a nice way when you are not ready for them to “help” with dating or other pushes.

4.     Socialize. It might be hard to think about this, but doing something as simple as meeting a friend for coffee, or going to the library to find a good book gets you out in the world and back in the flow of everyday life.

5.     Write your feelings down. Create a journal specifically to write about the relationship, the breakup and how you feel about both. Pour it all out – and then if you find it therapeutic and symbolic, shred it. This is not something you are doing to keep and reflect on, it is to help you heal and move on, so don’t keep this on your bookshelf. It can also be healing to end the journal with positive thoughts about you, where your life is heading, and new goals for your life.

6.     Rebounds to avoid – relationships. It can be tempting to jump right into a new relationship to avoid the painful feelings of the old one not working out. But you need time to feel and heal. Then you’ll be in a much better place for something new that can have a great chance for a healthy start!

7.     Rebounds to be aware of – feelings.  Rebounds can come in many forms, and feelings are one. You may think you are fine those first few days, then you hear a song and BAM! A flood of emotion washes over and you feel terrible. Let the cycle happen; people are rarely over a breakup without some sad feelings or regrets – or anger.

8.     Find time for hobbies and recreation. Devoting time to emotionally satisfying things can help you heal. Do things you enjoy, or try something new!

9.     Work is not the answer. Too many people try to drown emotions by channeling their energy into long work hours. The problems with this choice are numerous; you create more stress, you don’t deal with things in a timely manner causing you to actually need more time for healing, and you also set yourself up for unrealistic expectations from those you work with that you will continue the frantic pace. It may also backfire on you if your increased work is not top quality stuff.

10.   Be healthy!  Perhaps one of the best things you can do to get over a breakup or indeed any emotionally challenging time is to put your own health at the forefront. Eat regular, healthy meals of fresh whole foods. Drink plenty of water and avoid binges on alcohol, caffeine, sugars and processed foods. Working out helps you burn off stress and anxiety and release feel good chemicals in your brain to combat depression. And let’s face facts… a month after the breakup, would you rather look and feel great, or have gained 10 pounds from all the self-pity cupcake eating?

If you find that you simply can’t move on, the breakup consumes your thoughts and feelings and keeps you from living a normal life, it is time to seek professional help. And that is totally OK! Someone with the right training and experience can help you see your situation from unbiased angles, give you tools and counseling to help you move on – so that you get over a breakup in a healthy way.

Mighty Vitey B12! An overview of this important vitamin.

Many of the eight vitamins that start with “B” are impressive, and B12 is certainly one of these.  There is so much to say about it that any single article would be lengthy, so let’s focus on what it does for your body, signs you are deficient and sources of B12 in foods you eat.

What Can Vitamin B12 Do For Me?

VitaminB12 is water-soluble (meaning it does not require a fat source to be absorbed) that is most often thought of in red blood cell production.

It is essential to normal nervous system and brain functions, and is essential for proper cell DNA synthesis.

B12 is also a chief component in metabolism functions including the synthesis of fatty acids and energy production.

B12 is frequently an ingredient in energy drinks and items like immunity boosters with high vitamin C contents.

Some suggestion comes that it can aid in weight loss, because of the role in metabolizing fats, proteins and other nutrients, but the science on this is sketchy.

There is new evidence that pregnant women need folic acid and B12 to have healthy pregnancies and boost protection against preventable birth defects (see your doctor if you are pregnant for guidance – but remember that the first portion of pregnancy before you even know is often when you need these nutrients in place.)

Additionally, high vitamin B12 levels have some exciting possibilities in protecting against brain atrophy in dementia and Alzheimer’s patients, and providing extra protection for brain functions as you enter senior years in general.

Vitamin B12 can also be used to help your body naturally suppress allergies.

B12 is an essential vitamin that you need to have from external sources – your body is not capable of making it.

What Are Signs of B12 Deficiency?

Severe deficiency can potentially cause permanent damage to your brain and nervous system.

Even when your levels are only slightly lower than they should be, you can have many symptoms including:

• Fatigue

• Depression

• Poor Memory

• Irritability

• Poor Concentration

• Pale Skin

• Sort Tongue

• Easy Bruising

Deficiency can start to cause problems quickly, and in infants and children can result in irreversible problems very fast.  Babies born to vegetarian mothers need to have careful monitoring of their B12 levels to check for deficiency.

B12 deficiency can be caused by reasons other than inadequate intake. If something impacts the absorption, it also leads to deficiency even if you think you are getting enough.  These conditions can include:

• Pernicious anemia.  A condition involving the lack of a protein called intrinsic factor – a protein produced in the stomach and is needed for vitamin B12 absorption.

• Atrophic gastritis. Thinning of the stomach lining. This impacts up to 30% of people who are 50 and older.

• Small intestine conditions. Crohn’s disease, Celiac disease, parasites or bacterial growth.

• Surgery.  Any type where portions of the stomach and/or small intestine is removed.

• Excessive alcohol consumption.

• Autoimmune disorders. Lupus or Graves disease are examples.

• Using acid reducing drugs for a long time.

Sources of B12

Vitamin B12 is not something your body is capable of making. You can take it in supplement form, and there are also patches, sprays and injections… and the good old-fashioned idea of eating it from real food!

Food sources of B12 include:

• Liver

• Raw oysters

• Cooked Alaskan king crab

• Beef

• Chicken

• Seafood of most types

• Dairy including cheese and milk

• Eggs

Liver is one of the highest sources from foods, because B12 is stored in liver for humans and animals.  B12 is found in food sources from animals including dairy that vegetarians might include in their diets, but Vegans must be especially careful to get adequate and legitimate sources of B12 (talk to your doctor.)

B12 is interesting in that even at extremely high doses over long periods of time, there have been no negative side effects reported. You should still use caution with any supplement, because they can still interact with medications, other supplements, or conditions you have.

But whatever you do, invite B12 to be part of your daily life.  It’s a vitamin you definitely need fighting for you in your corner!

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