If all your relationships fail, who is at blame? Is it always the other person? Did they have trouble following even the smallest of your instructions? Perhaps they did not appreciate your suggestions at how they could be better at just…everything. If this sounds familiar, maybe it wasn’t them. Maybe the problem at hand is you. Although it might be a hard concept to grasp, maybe you are just a bit too controlling.
Signs that You Might be a Control Freak
Adult control freaks are like schoolyard bullies, just all grown up. You know exactly who these people are, and we it seems that we all have at least one of these people who always know how to push our buttons. They act as if they’re the only one who can complete the tasks correctly, and act as if it would hurt them to share a job. Then once the job is over, they almost always complain about the fact that they didn’t have any help.
Is this person you? Do you feel that you are always making decisions and working your tail off to please everyone? Maybe you don’t always make the decisions, but you regret it in the end because everyone else’s ideas just aren’t as good as yours. Instead of just making the decision yourself, you drop hints at what you think should be done, knowing that if someone would just pick up on it, then your idea will be used.
The Control Freak Toolbox
Control freaks are masters of manipulation, especially control freaks in relationships. They are used to getting what they want, either by making decisions for large groups of people or simply manipulating the situation into their favor. Even celebrities aren’t immune from it. Victoria Beckham once admitted, “I am a control freak. I am very hands on and pay attention to details.” These are some of the tools they use are:
- Guilt. Control freaks will bring up past experiences where things ended up horribly, especially if it was your fault. You’ll be sure to make the right decision the next time, especially on their watch. A sign that you’re dating a control freak could definitely be the feeling of constant grief over one event.
- Exaggeration. They will make things so much worse than they really are, just so people take pity on them and they can get whatever they please.
- Belittling. Control freaks are very good at making you feel very small and horrible about you. With you out of the way, they have more of a chance at getting what they want accomplished.
- Passive-Aggressive. Control freaks have an uncanny way of pushing an event that goes awry back on you. When confronted, something along the lines of, “Well, I thought that so and so really wanted to do this” will come out of their mouth, turning it all back onto you.
- Empty threats. They will hold things over your head, and threaten to use them if things don’t go their way. Chances are that they won’t ever do it, but they will get their way.
Admitting and Overcoming Your Control Freak Status
Nobody likes to admit that they’re a control freak. Frankly, it can be quite embarrassing for someone to admit something that many people see as a flaw, especially for people that are obsessed with everything going perfectly, and going their own way in particular. Once you admit your control freak tendencies, then you can take steps to work towards accepting that perfection doesn’t equal self-worth. You’ll find that stepping back improves your relationships with others, and while not everyone’s ideas are as good as yours, trying new things can be fun. Who knows, you might even like it!
