Facebook is perhaps the greatest social connection tool to
ever strike multiple generations of people… and perhaps one of the worst
temptations to follow and stalk people for those of us who are otherwise fairly
normal.
Facebook plays an interesting role in the course of a
romantic relationship. You meet. You may share some commonalities in your
friend lists – or you probably will if you date for very long. Your friends are so excited when your little
status changes to, “In a relationship” and they all hit the Like Button.
And then, the downfall. You change your status back to,
“Single” and you are crushed, angry, embarrassed, angry, sad, angry… all of
that anger leads to you doing some private investigating on what your ex is up
to, when did they change their own status, can you see what common friends are
saying, are you blocked from the ex and from anyone else? Heaven forbid, does your ex already have a
new relationship status up?
You start checking for things all the time. It can consume
you. There you are, late at night, trolling for secrets. Then you start
checking things during the day, at work, from your phone at lunch. You might be
driven to ask mutual friends to report back to you on what is going on.
Four letter words might have been flying around during the
breakup and the Facebook stalking. Now I have one for you. Stop.
Really. What is the
best thing you can hope for? That you find out a dirty little secret and feel
justified in all the snooping, stalking, and crazy obsessive behavior? Or that
you find out your ex is lonely and miserable too?
You broke up and it is over, so let it be over (another four
letter word by the way) and just move on.
Ways To Move On…
Without Stalking your Ex on Facebook
·
Start a little “Moving On” journal, not online
so there is no danger of being hacked, and destroy the pages as part of the
healing.
In it:
o Write
a funny status update about your ex, like how awful it was they split their
pants at work today and weren’t wearing clean undies.
o Write
down the most hurtful things about the relationship, how and why it ended.
o Write
down the most positive things about the relationship, what it brought you (if
anything) and any lessons you learned.
o Write
a status update of how you’ve moved on and all the fabulous things you are up
to in life (make it your dream list) and imagine your ex reading about it.
o Then
write a goodbye to the relationship, telling it you have to move on.
o REMEMBER:
this is all for healing, not designed to get out or be read.
·
Let your friends know you aren’t interested in
wallowing in the dirt or gossip surrounding your ex. You can show this by not
being interested in the gossip if it is brought up, never instigating it, and
even telling your friends, “Hey, I’m moving on now.”
·
Do NOT look up your ex, ever. Facebook should be
about friends, not problems. Don’t look up anyone you think might be dating
your ex, either. You shouldn’t want the ex doing that to you. It is just not
good for your mental or physical health.
·
If you have to, drop people from your friend
list and make a clean break. If you keep mutual friends (you might have been
friends before the relationship started) then take the high road at all times.
People will get the message and probably admire you for it. If not? You don’t
need them.
·
Do something new. Take a class, buy a new
outfit, get a haircut. Focus on new things, not old.
·
Work out. You’ll burn energy in a positive way,
keep your fitness or improve it if you haven’t been working out, and you’ll be
happier than sitting around stalking updates or trying to find pictures of your
ex doing things.
·
Eat right. It might be tempting to sit with a
box of donuts in front of the computer stalking… but think about how you’d look
if the video camera was broadcasting that scene. Forget about Facebook while
you grill some chicken and make homemade soup and salad to go with it.
·
Really let it go. The breakup, the stalking on
Facebook, the drama. You have to find inner calm, make peace with the end of a
relationship.
If
you have to, stay off of Facebook for a while.
Your friends will understand. Or only go on for a few minutes to look
through your newsfeed and post one update about your own day, but don’t get on
when you have lots of time on your hands… you know where it might lead.
They
say living well is the best revenge. Rather than stalking your ex on Facebook,
focus your efforts and energy on living well – eat right, exercise, make some
goals, meditate, anything that helps you feel whole and positive - and hold
your head high as you march away from the past, leaving it in the past, where
it all belongs.
Because
the beautiful thing about endings… it means a beginning is just around the next
corner. But not if you are around the bend
stalking your ex on Facebook!
